Thoughts for myslef

This post is more of a journal entry and maybe not something you care to read.. just some thoughts and feelings for myself.
Well Kason flew back home on Thursday, July 20th. I knew it would be hard to be away from him for a couple weeks, but I never imagined it would be this hard. I am so sad, I really feel like a part of me is gone. Laurel and Rick got to pick him up from the airport so he could spend a night with them and play with Haylie!! He was so excited to see them. When I talked to him I could tell how happy he was to see her he was really hyper and laughing so it made me feel a little better! Friday evening my mom picked him up and she said they went to Cabella's to look at the fish, they got some books from seagull book and where going to go eat out! I called him later that night to tell him goodnight and he was having so much fun! It is really hard to talk to him on the phone I get off and cry every time, but it is so good to just here his voice. I just have to remind myself that I get to see him and have our family back together again in just a couple weeks. This morning my mom and dad took him to the lamb day parade to get candy and meet Jordan.
At nights it is so weird I feel scared now that Kason is not here, not like he could protect me if he were here lol! It is just too quite in our home now! I can tell Rixen misses him a lot too! Normally in the mornings he would go in and jump on Kason and they would play together all day! Now he doesn't know what to do with himself, he just follows me around taking out everything I try and put away! It is really so fun how far apart they are, yet they are so close and love each other so much! I love watching them play together.
This summer I have learned so much and I think I have grown so much as a person and as a mother. I am so blown away by how much my boys teach me everyday! I always tell them I am the "boss" but really they are great examples to me and I learn so much from them! Before Kason left he got so good at reminding us to say our prayers before bed and at dinner! He has caught me a couple times and is so good to remind me of the words we don't say at our house. Kason has the most amazing memory and good heart. I hope that he will always remember this summer and the things we have done and learned together and will continue them outside of our home where ever he may be. Rixen is also so good at prayer he has learned to fold his arms and close his eyes some times it doesn't last very long but he knows how! He is so funny and always testing us to make sure we are watching, testing our patients and teaching Kason how to share better! I cannot express how grateful I am to have such amazing boys, an amazing husband, the gospel in our lives and to have this summer, to be a stay at home mom something I wish I could do forever! I will never forget this summer it has been such a good time for our family to grow so much closer together as well as so much closer to the gospel and good friends who are amazing examples!  I hope that I am a great example to my friends, family and mostly my children, I know I have a long way to go but I am trying to do better!
I am reading a book right now called Good Kids, Tough Choices by Ashworth M. Kidder. It is a really neat book and has opened my eyes a lot on how I act even to little simple things I do, watch and listen to I hope that I can keep these things in my mind at all times and make myself a better example to my kids and their futures. It is simple things in life that make us who we are and help us make good choices in life!
In church on Sunday we were talking about temptations and how they hold us back from the good things, about the church rules and how they are good for us and why.  A man put it in a way that I have never heard. His daughter was a teen and saying how the church has too many rules, that we only live once and we should just have fun... He asked her, "Do you know someone who has been addicted to alcohol, drugs or tobacco?, Do you know someone who got pregnant before they were married or in high school? look at those people and tell me what is harder and more of a bondage now simple rules that lead to happiness or these things?" I thought this was a great way for kids, teens and even some adults to understand the simple rules that we think hold us down so much, when they really free us from all the trials that come with the things we aren't suppose to do that we don't see upfront.